that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
