I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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