Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
