My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
