Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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