If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
