someone owes me an orgasm
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
