I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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