This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
