Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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