She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
