it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
