Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
