NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
