the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
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I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
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Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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