You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
