Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
