why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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