if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
