I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
