OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
