butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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