I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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