I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
