I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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