There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
