Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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