Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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