I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
