I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
