filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
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He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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