Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
