i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
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I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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