maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Randomize
