Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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