I've blown a few things in my day
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
