I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
a search helicopter?!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
