not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
