is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
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Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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