Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
