Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
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you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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