my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
