took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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