you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
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I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
That accounts for only three of the penises
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
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party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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