I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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