Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Houston, we have a blender
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
