Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
