i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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