Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
