I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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