My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he thought i was a dude.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
