We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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