I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
