Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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