: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize