I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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