so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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