He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
