I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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