Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
