By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
