...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
