Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
