You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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