Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
