Just cropdusted the office
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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