Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
why is half of my head shaved?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
