im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
