Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
