matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
