Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
farters have to be the big spoon...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
