i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
